Uggh, Calm Yourself, SelfGuess who audibly whispered,“Ah- My Baby- I’m Gonna Cry!”About JCM limping around on crutchesIn the SILENT Study LoungeSpoiler Alert:It was me
Three Weeks LaterWhile getting into my apartmentOn 1:00 AM on Valentine’s dayI saw a group of women congregatingThey all had heart shaped postersOn which it said, “Kisses for Cash!”And I thought,“Woah- I wish I’d thought about that!”But then I rememberedUnless I explicitly stated otherwiseMy clientele would likely include cishet malesAnd I wouldn’t be into thatI’d be far more comfortableSelling physical affection to anyone but cishet males in generalSince if I were to say“no cishet boys allowed”On my heart-shaped signI’d likely get an onslaughtOf being told by cishet boys that I’m ugly since I’m not for themWhich would further prove my pointBut at this stage of my lifeI am just so uncomfortableShowing any amount physical attraction to cishet malesAnd I suppose that means I’m technically not pansexualSo I suppose I should change my bios againI think I’ll say Queer/BiI’ll put Queer bef
I'm Not Like You, Going To Your Man-Hater's Clubcis malesare far more dangerousand more terrifyingas a wholewithout trying to bethan I could ever intentionally be(though that doesn’t stop me from trying)
Unfinished Lithromantic PoemI might be lithromantic maybeI found out about the terminterestingly enoughfrom a girl who read my Hedwig essaywhich made her crysince Hedwig made her feel the same wayand hence helped her better understand her queernessbut anywaysI think I might be lithromanticsince with all my mum’s frequent referencesto when her much favored future me settles downI find myself rolling my eyes“gross, that’s not what I want”...
A DiscoveryYou can’t make haikuswith “heteronormative”very easily
Hedwig HomesicknessI get the same feelings in my heartlooking at photos of the Belascowhile I’m residing in Minnesotaas I did looking at photos of the SPCPA campuswhile residing in ChicagoThat means something
MisandristsI’m glad when I talk with herWe delight in each other’s misandryBecause the world makes it seem wrongTo want nothing of white cishet malesBut when I talk to herIt feels like we’ve discovered the main secret to lifeAnd it’s a marvelous thing to have that kind of talkWhen once a weekI have to dance cheek to cheekWith someone who’s essentially the real Lester NygaardEwBut her and I have found the key to the secret garden of gloryWhere one can be free from hegemonic masculinityAnd I promise youIt’s a beautiful place
LegitThe older I get the less I care about proper phrasingSince I’ve learned it was often implemented to oppressAnd people seem so haughty if they can avoid sounding a certain wayOnly to make those that do speak that way out to be the enemy or lesser thanAnd don’t get me started about those who care more for grammar than trans/nonbinary folksSo I’m going against the words I’ve been conditioned to avoidSuch as “legit” as opposed to “legitimate”Since there are so many bigger fish to fry than that!
LouderIt means so muchThat my poems help youEven in the smallest slightest of waysI know they’re just poorly-phrased scribbles on a screenBut if they help I’ll write you hundreds moreTalking to you meant so muchEven more than I suspected it wouldAnd hearing the way you talked surprised meI know you’re brave, and I’ve always known thatBut I seriously could hear how much you’ve grown since we last talkedAnd I know that might seem oddBut you had a certain aura about you which I’ve never felt beforeAnd it made me so proud of youPerhaps Vienna gave you that or LCSO or something entirely elseBut it seemed like strength maximizedSo for you to give off that sort of vibe in spite of all that’s happenedIs positively admirable and utterly amazingAnd I know this might not seem like muchBut I’m into that sort of metaphysical soul speakAnd your soul that day was singing louder than I’ve ever heard her before