That VoiceYou’ve got to realize something here
The first of Hedwig’s voices I ever heard
Belonged and still belongs to John Cameron Mitchell
His voice has talked me out of oblivion
That voice spoke to me in mornings when I felt unable to continue
And celebrated my survival with me
It told me both that I’m not alone
But also that I need no one in order to feel valid
His voice reminded me of all I felt
And why I need to keep fighting for the kid that I was
As well as the woman I’ve become
And even if it means
Shoving my mole ears up to the cold Belasco brick
I will hear the voice I followed
When all around me was my Wicked Little Town
Theatre KidI changed my bio to say Theatre Kid as opposed to Artist
Too many people assume I paint or sculpt or whatever
And at this point in live
Theatre Kid evokes more in my soul than the word Artist
Art is Everything
But Theatre is Home
The Greatest City In The WorldI love New York City so much
To me NYC feels like life
It feels like being alive
Being on my feet
Ready and eager for it all
I’ve never felt more at home anywhere else
Home to me
Has always felt like my soul being woven together with others’
In New York
My soul feels vibrant and glorious enough on its own
I don’t want to feel wrong and foolish to hope for too much
But, God, even alone seems beautiful there
AND IT'S A REWRITE TOOI think it needs saying
That never before
Have I wanted something so specific
That I’ve had to remind myself
It’s a bad idea to sell your soul
Even if Hell is just a Hedwig after party
Still probably not your best option
Sell a kidney or something instead
Fan LettersI need to write fan-letters to Stephen Trask and John Cameron Mitchell
It is an absolute need, so I can mail them to the Belasco
So they get my gratitude directly
Even if I can’t achieve the lofty goal of seeing JCM in the role
I would sell bits of my body to get money for a nosebleed seat
But I know I’m not at all alone
There are generations before me
Who could claim all I could about Hedwig as Salvation
And they have origin of love tattoos and more lived experience than I
So I don’t feel like I can rightly crown myself the #1 fan
But I know that I love the show as if it were family and home and everything holy
I know I’m just some screaming fangirl who cries and screams inconsolably
But I need them to know
I need them to know how much this show has saved my life
I can measure my growth by which different parts I cry over and my reasons for doing so
I want to write a book called, ‘Wicked Little Town: Why Hedwig Means So Much To Sad Queer Kids’
PigeonI am so definitely a Pigeon
I was at a coffeehouse where the prompt on the chalkboard was
What animal are you a reincarnation of
I am cute and fat
And love The City more than life itself
I am so definitely a Pigeon
Whether You Like It Or NotI wanted to change my URL
So I went through my brain
And tried to rummage through
All the inspirational phrases
That keep and have kept me going
And I realized how well so many fit together
“I Am What I Am_Whether You Like It Or Not"
“I Sing Anyway_Trust In Your Art”
“Don’t Be Sorry_Sing"
I realized, too, how well ‘Rapunzel’ and ‘Wicked Little Town’
Could actually fuse together to form a cohesive narrative from different perspectives
I also recalled Non-Portmanteau-Phrases such as
“Sing And Have A Salad”
Which isn’t just a healthy plan
Rather a paraphrased reminder to be resilient, as told by Hedwig
There were a multitude of reminders I remembered
Which all solidify what I know to be fact
Singing is incredibly important to me on a subtextual level
It isn’t about vocal quality or form or even the sound one utters
To me, it is about being unapologetic and confident in one’s own voice
Which is why it was a
I'm Completely Alone And I Like ItAs I was walking down 54th street
Elated from having just hugged Lena
And marveling at the Origin of Love necklace I bought
Mama said "You'll find your other half someday"
I said, "I don't want to"
She said, "But you WILL"
"Nope", I said
"Don't talk like that"
"But I don't want another half"
"Oh, sure you do!"
"No, I don't, I don't need anyone to complete me"
"You'll find someone someday"
"I don't want to"
"Oh sure you do"
Her pace hastened to catch mine as I tried to escape her
I turned around, and stopped dead in my tracks
(which is certainly not advised in NYC)
"NO I DON'T"
She then acted offended
As if I had just crushed her dreams in three words
But my life cannot be spent
As a second attempt at what she aspired towards
Even though she evidently is rooting for that